Thursday, January 27, 2005

Skip the wonder dog

This post should have been posted before the one below it so if you want this to make sense, just scroll down to the post below this - read that one, and come back up here - What a pain I know, but I'm still new at this so PFFFFTT! (hee heee heee!!)

Skip the dog, (Chip Jameson’s wonder dog):

Skip was a test subject in doctor Bertrand Von Haeberschmidt’s genetics lab, which was being fronted as a local Vet. Skip remembers the needles, and the strangely flavored food and when he sees anyone in a lab coat, he’ll go for their pant leg without mercy.

Depending on Skip’s loyalty, he will obey his master and do, to the best of his ability, what Chip asks. If Chip misses his loyalty roll, Skip will do one of the following 20 things:

1. Licks his balls
2. Humps the nearest person’s leg
3. Fetches a BEER.
4. Plays dead (on his back with all four legs splayed out – tongue hanging out)
5. Barks for five minutes
6. Lift’s leg and pees
7. Farts and wag his tail
8. Stares at Chip
9. Chases his tail
10. Curls up and takes a nap and snores
11. Runs away for the remainder of the day (returns next morning)
12. Starts chewing-up the nearest upholstered item (car seats included)
13. Craps on the nearest pair of shoes
14. Digs small useless hole
15. Jumps up on Chips chest and licks his face
16. Runs off and fetches ammo for a different kind of gun than Chips
17. Gets his favorite rubber bone
18. Fetches a lacey bra and panties, (strangely, no screams are heard)
19. Does what chip asks but with distressing accuracy.
20. Licks his balls



Another day in the life creatively wasted

So, I’m hosting a roll playing game. For me, this means writing - lots and lots of writing...writing and some research. The character is posted here and theatrical licensing has been taken to make it more interesting. Feel free and let me know what you think...

Chip “Doolittle” Jameson:

Chip Jameson is a descendant of the famous Lieutenant Colonel James H. Doolittle.
Chip admired his great grandfather, and wanted, more than anything, to become a pilot. By age 18, he had taken it upon himself to become familiarized with the principals of flight through books, computer simulators, and his father. At Age 21, he soloed in a Piper Cub and graduated to faster and more maneuverable aircraft as the years progressed.

At age 25 he started a flight school, specializing in vintage aircraft. His clients vary from hobbyists to multi-millionaires and as such, his business expanded from his hometown of Pebble Beach, California to an international operation dubbed “Maiden Flight”. On a trip to Cartagena, Columbia he was to instruct a young man in flight basics. His father Jesus Dominguez approached him on the tarmac. He wanted Chip to instruct his son using the Cessna 172 parked near the rusty hanger rather than the P38 Lightning mentioned on the phone, which was nowhere to be seen. Jesus explained in cool controlling words why he misled Chip. Firmly cupping his shoulder, He explained that he simply wanted one of the best instructors to teach his son to fly. Chip nervously accepted the flattery but upon discovering the condition of the aircraft, he refused for safety reasons. This upset Dominguez, and as Chip lit up a cigarette, they both walked towards the runway offices discussing alternatives to the dilemma at hand. It was poor luck when at that moment a gunshot was heard, and a chunk of tarmac flew up at their feet. Several more bullets flew and they scattered for cover. While evading gunfire, a bullet grazed Chip’s left hand, flinging the cigarette he had just lit up through a nearby window. The situation, worsening, all Chip could think to do was to get safety. He rounded the corner of the building, and entered the first door he found. He paused in the doorway long enough to see his lit cigarette smoldering on some papers next to a tangle of lab equipment where Dominguez’ Cacao was being processed. The flames leapt and Chip was blown back out of the door, landing in the back of an old military jeep. A white Terrier sat in the passenger seat with keys to the vehicle in his mouth. As chip struggled to the front seat, he discovered that he’d landed on something – Two King Cobra .357 revolvers in their holsters. Bullets ricocheted off the jeep’s chassis and having never handled anything more than a flare gun, he fired wildly back at those who would kill him. One of Chip’s bullets found a sedaline-welding rig. It exploded, killing Dominguez’s son, (decapitating him).

Mortified and rattled by this, Chip asked the dog for the keys. The dog surprisingly jumped into Chip’s lap and surrendered the keys! He got the jeep started and didn’t stop driving until he ran out of gas. It was dark when he decided to hike back to his plane, the dog following him all the way back to the airfield. After managing to top off the fuel tanks in his C-47 Douglass, he fired up the Pratt and Whitney’s and narrowly escaped Dominguez’s men. After crossing into Panamanian airspace, Chip was startled by the Terrier leaping into the Co-pilot seat. He thought for sure he’d set that dog free…

It was over the skies north of Los Manos, Guatemala where his fuel gauges suddenly dropped to “Empty”. He “deadsticked” the plane to a local airfield whereupon exiting his C-47, he was greeted by 5 greasy looking characters that said they’d fuel him up for free if Chip would fly them and their “cargo” to San Diego. Desperate to get home, he accepted. The flight back was eerily quiet, save growling from the dog, which Chip named “Skip” somewhere over the Panama Coast.

Unable to get clearance at Lindbergh Field in San Diego, Chip was forced to land at the Coast Guard Air Station. This news reached the 5 greasy characters and they rushed forward, demanding that Chip turn back. Skip drew one of the guns from under his seat and all five somehow procured parachutes and exited the plane before he could get a word off. The CIA, and National Guard and the DEA greeted Chip after he landed.

As it turns out, Dominguez family has run the Drug cartel in Columbia for the past 20 years and the death of Jesus’ son sensitized the situation there. To irritate matters more, five unidentified objects were seen falling from chips plane before approach. During this de-briefing, a lieutenant interrupted with news that the C-47’s tail section was packed with several Kilos of uncut Cocaine and ten duffle bags of Marijuana.

Later that afternoon, five lifeless bodies were found floating in the San Diego Bay, each wearing faulty parachutes. They were identified as leading members of Southern Guatemalan Cartel, Luis Carrasco.

Fortunately, CIA operatives who witnessed the events in Cartagena unfold corroborated Chip’s story. Chip became an instant hero with front-page recognition as “the man who flew home the largest drug bust in California history” with his amazing story. With his face plastered all over the news, Jesus Dominguez could easily track Chip. So could Luis Carrasco who lost five good men and some irreplaceable contraband that day.

Never expecting to enjoy the kick of a gun, Chip joined the NRA and practices with his Columbian .357’s on a bi-weekly basis. Due to the economy and his new gun habit, “Maiden Flight” flight school was taking a downward turn. The economy and gas prices weren’t helping any either so, Chip decided to take up other interests and study veterinary skills.

He also worked as a lab assistant to for a local Vet named Doctor Bertrand Haeberschmidt. One day he brought Skip in for a checkup. Later that afternoon, Chip took a cigarette break out back and witnessed His Terrier, Skip, being chased out of Fung Hu’s across the street by a butcher knife-wielding chef. Skip dodged four cars, bounded off the saddlebag of a passing motorcycle, skidded across the hood of a parked Cadillac, and landed in Chip’s arms. This took place in less than 3 seconds.

The Chef who was chasing him wasn’t so lucky as when he entered the second lane, he was struck by an animal control truck and then slammed into by a city bus going the other way. As it skidded to a halt, the Banner on the side of the bus displayed an ad from the A.S.P.C.A. Chip discovered though creative meddling, that Haeberschmidt was not only conducting genetic experiments on the animals, but selling dogs to the Chinese food restaurants around town! Haeberschmidt was arrested that afternoon and his lab was taken as evidence.

During the trial, Chip implicated the Doctor as a “Mad scientist” after he confessed to injecting Skip. Haeberschmidt, when sentenced to be deported back to Germany, pointed one of his three fingers at Chip and swore he’d find him.

Today, Chip and Skip live their lives in California and are blissfully unaware that plans for his demise draw closer every day.

Thursday, January 06, 2005


...yours truely

Merry Freekin' Holiday!!!!

Okay, so I've finally gotten around to posting bits of my life on a blog. Why not?, I've survived damn near everything, so why not write about it?
Typically, I wake up at somewhere between "holy crap it's early" and "why am I awake?" I guess this explains why I've decided to start my blog. I got too much time on my hands and I've exhausted my list of things to do before the world wakes up - any other suggestions?

The Holiday season is behind us and we are breathing a sigh of relief. Sure the extremely dry Christmas tree is still up as well as all the lights on the front of the apartment, but it's been too cold and rainy to do anything about it just yet - besides, our next-door neighbors still have not had their Christmas yet because they were with family in Michigan for 10 days. I know that doesn't sound like it makes sense, but factor in the failing health of one of their family members, having the airline loose their luggage twice, and a very late flight back home and you can draw your own picture. So with all that in mind, we offered to make a turkey/tofurkey dinner (one of them is vegetarian) and are leaving the lights up.

This'll be our THIRD Christmas - but probably the most quiet of the three, and while I know it is supposed to be the season of giving, every one likes to brag about the "loot". 'That said, I can say our kitchen is populous of one more item this year - an 11 Cup Cuisinart Food Processor (see my home site for the pic). Oh,
our stemweare finally matches, too.
The next toy I'd like to suprise the spouse with is a Oxo Mandoline Slicer (see http://www.cooking.com/products/shprodde.asp?SKU=206268 for what I'm talking about).
Okay, enough for this morning - ...think I'll go make some coffee now....(Trader Joe's French Roast)